Serious Tech News #1: Miami Space

Tech going full on Florida Man, subtweeting with sound, and startups in space

Welcome to the very first edition of Serious Tech News!

On our first edition, all stories are related to places that “feels real, but is it real tho?” — space, virtual rooms, and Florida.

Taking tech talents to the South Beach

In a mission to attract venture capitalists to down south, Miami Mayor Francis Suarez has been following and interacting with Silicon Valley venture capitalists on Twitter with the same rigor as a new parody Twitter account trying hard to get a follow back.

The level of excitement about how “Miami is the new Silicon Valley” is at an unprecedented height. The tech world has never seen this kind of enthusiasm since the well known “Austin is the new Silicon Valley” and “Remote is the new Silicon Valley” phenomenons.

On an unrelated note, the Google search for “is coke gluten-free” has skyrocketed.

Space Audity

Last week, Twitter announced the trial of Twitter Spaces, a voice-chat room for Twitter users, because sometimes passive-aggressively quote tweeting people you don’t know just doesn’t cut it.

Spaces is Twitter’s way to take on Clubhouse, an invite-only social platform that revolves around voice chat where groundbreaking, revolutionary interactions happened, such as conversations about social justice, tech startups, and virtual group sex.

Clubhouse is also famous among celebrities such as Drake, Kevin Hart, MC Hammer, and Jared Leto. After the chat session, Leto then sent a picture of dead pigs to other listeners in the virtual room as a “preparation for his next role.”

In order to match Clubhouse’s star power, Twitter will also invite Twitter celebrities such as @dril, @God, @big_ben_clock, and Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Mr. Taleb’s attendance is still subject to Twitter’s willingness to provide him with a lifetime supply of Mediterranean squid ink pasta.

Exit Strategy

Commander of Space Force, General John W. Raymond, said on an interview with Tech Crunch “In a way, we’re a startup as well.” To prove his point , General Raymond then shared a footage of $3.5 million worth of cash thrown into a burning rocket combustion chamber.

In a separate interview, Lt. General John Thompson shared how startups can interact with Space Force on future projects. On Space Pitch Days, startups can get an inside track to win government contracts.

Any companies who say space-related puns such as “Working with us is like embarking on a rocket ship” or “Our exit strategy is UP” during their pitch, will immediately be sent to Guantanamo Bay for a government-backed incubator program.

That’s it for the first edition of Serious Tech News! If you like this edition, don’t forget to subscribe for more serious news.